A Desperate Matter – Spirituality Information
Tom was a wonderful human being. He was kind, caringand helpful to all those who sought his assistance. Theonly problem was that most of us did not like to bearound Tom. Much as he tried to be a "good" person,there was always an aura of doom and gloom around him.
It didn't matter whether he was speaking with you onthe phone or sitting across the table from you, youjust would get the feeling that the world was coming toan end or that your life would be in a terrible mess.Were you to spend an hour with Tom, you'd feel that allyour energy was drained out of you.
Now, mind you, as I said earlier, Tom was a caringperson. The problem was, however that Tom carriedaround with him a "cloud of negativity" born ofdesperation. His was definitely a desperate matter.
It didn't just stop when he got off the phone. Theemptiness in your stomach, the low energy would persistfor quite a while until you eventually forgot abouthim. That is how powerful the feeling of desperationis. It has the power to turn off the brightest light inour lives.
Desperation broadcasts a very strong message to allwithin our sphere of influence. It even goes beyondthat to people who are meeting you for the first time.Business associates tend to shun you, partners want toavoid you, everyone -- even little children -- feeluncomfortable around you.
So what do you do if situations and circumstances seemhopeless and your fears force you into desperation?Simple, but not easy. First, try to slow your thoughtsdown. You are desperate because of the incessant,negative self-talk, which has taken over your entirebeing. Slow the internal conversation down. Take abreak from whatever you're doing -- even if it's for afew minutes.
Next, breathe deeply a few times, not any special countlike breathe in for a count of seven, hold for a countof five and then breathe out for a count of seven. Dothat if you want, but it's not necessary. Just slowbreathing, in and out, will lower the tension in thebody, mind and spirit to a more manageable pace.
Realize that things are as they are, but can bechanged. You can change them by becoming quiet withinyourself and then listening to the feelings you have.Ask yourself if there is anything you can do about theproblem at this moment.
You will get one of two answers. Either "yes" or "no."If the answer is "yes," go ahead and do what you can.If the answer is "no," then go do something else ormaybe even nothing. This simple exercise is a practicein patience and will tune-up the mind and make itpossible for you to find creative ways for your problemto be resolved. And it will be resolved in ways thatsometimes may seem magical.
Now, I realize it is not easy to conquer desperationwith the flip of a switch or the snap of the fingers.Having been in the middle of it many times, Idiscovered that it generally takes courage and practiceto overcome. Of course, most of us can't stop worryingby telling ourselves not to worry.
But we can put a time limit on it. A simple trick I useis this: I acknowledge that the situation is bad and Isay to myself, "John, this seems to be really terrible-- really, really bad. But it may only appear that waybecause you're desperate and scared right now. It's OKto be scared for a little while. However, don't spendall day being frightened or desperate. Take 30 minutes,an hour, even a few hours if you like. Be as desperateas you want for that period of time. Then drop it andgo on with other things." Just practice this wheneveryou feel scared and desperate.
And Tom, what about Tom? Well, He continues to call.He's exhausted all the time. Desperation, you see,consumes all his energy. I tried to show him that thereis always hope, that his problems would let go of himwhen he got quiet enough to loosen his grip and let goof them. I tried to teach him to breathe slowly and toget quiet inside. He listened, became quiet for tenseconds and went right back to worrying.
Other friends tried to help him, but he would not letgo of his problems. I came to believe that Tom thoughthe would have no purpose here on Earth if he did nothave things to worry about. I tried to tell him that itwas fine to be happy and that we did not need anythingto make us happy. But he would not let go and givehimself permission to be happy.
I imagine there's a little of Tom in all of us.Desperation will, every once in a while (and sometimes,more often) raise its ugly head. If we reach out andembrace it, it would take us down. If we look throughit, we would find that we are always safe, that theUniverse is on our side and that one of the ingredientsof success is that word, "trust".
Let us trust the process of life. As has been said manytimes before, "It's not the destination, it's thejourney." I wish Tom well. When he comes to himself,slows down and really sees what's happening, he willsay, as Pogo did in the swamp, "We have met the enemyand he is us." He would discover that it was all just amatter of desperation.